I can remember how mad my mom was at me at my graduation ceremony for my BFA. She was upset with me that I wasn’t excited or wanting to take pictures like everyone else. The reason why is that I finished my degree in December of 2009 but they only did a ceremony in May, so I was walking a whole semester after I technically graduated and had already began my master’s degree. So, unlike everyone else who was excited because they were done with their programs and entering a new world, I was still in school and not really done with anything.
Well, now that I am graduating in May, I have a feeling my mom will be upset again. I have yet to get excited, I am instead getting terrified. Yes, I do plan on going for my doctorate someday, but unlike when I started my master’s program, it will be a while until I return to school. This is like the real thing. Should I be excited? I am leaving a comfort zone, with no job in sight, loans that will come calling and nothing but a piece of paper to comfort me. Is this what brings on excitement?
Does anyone else feel this terror I do? Maybe there is a magical dome that covers the graduation ceremony that will suddenly trigger my emotions to change? Maybe the sheer relief of not having the stress of a grade looming over my head 24/7 will at least cause a wide smile that will fool my mother to think I am excited? Or possibly right now I am just filling with my regular doubts and by the time I am done it will all fade away. I hope so. This is supposed to be the time when we take our lives into our own hands and show the world what we are made of. I have never felt more confident in my abilities as a teacher based on the knowledge and experience I have gained from my studies and experiences at Fontbonne, so maybe that is the trick. I honestly, have never had such a great educational experience as I have here. So I guess May will show if excitement takes over!
