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new beginnings

As you may know, or may not know, this is my last semester as a college student. I have been looking forward to graduating a semester early from the beginning, but now that it is here, I want to rewind/take-it-back/say re-do. I want another semester to explore, another semester after that to have fun and another one after that… just because. I have learned so much about myself as a person, as a friend, as a girlfriend, as an ex, as a daughter, and as a student just in the last 3 months. It is crazzyy. I feel like I am just beginning, not ending this chapter in my life. . . Everything seems so backwards and I am not a fan.

I find myself quite unsure of things that were so concrete  in my life. How did those tangible ideas literally crumble? Don’t ask me, I would love to know the answer if you can find it.

I thought I wanted to go back home and enjoy life in Kentucky, with friends in Kentucky, but I am just so unsure. I want to stay another semester with the friends I love and the people I adore. I made the decision to graduate early in hopes of pushing fast-forward on life. I was over school, over the distance, over this Fontbonne life. I don’t think I could have been more wrong. One thing I have learned; nothing is certain, no matter how adamant you are or how permanent something feels. I love this Fontbonne life, I love this city.

So, what to do? Think. Think about myself. Be selfish. This is MY life after all, I am in control here. Not my prospective job, not my vision of my “perfect life,” not the “what if’s.” I will not restrict myself. I owe that to myself, and to be honest, that is exciting for me.

Ok, enough with the negative. I am excited to experience an actual “big girl job.” I hope I get that opportunity sooner rather than later, but I am not too concerned. Taking it one day at a time.

I have learned to:

Replace yes with no

Work hard and enjoy the results

Let people help me

Think of myself

Take a rest day, or 20…

Stay up late, and I mean late. It is always an adventure even if you stay in your room

Appreciate friends and to tell them they are loved

Make my own wooden frames :)

Balance fun with work

Be assertive

Be a free spirit

&

To trust yet always be unconvinced

__________

Side Note:

Usually when I arrive to St.Louis and I see the arch, I cry. I get sad, I get angry. The arch is a sign that I am leaving family, friends, a love, for an extended amount of time. This last time, driving back from thanksgiving break, I saw the arch and I smiled. I got butterflies, I was excited I was happy. I am ready to be present in my st. louis life, with no regrets. A great feeling to have. Even if I only have a week left.

Thanks for reading!

:) Kelia

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