Independence

The third week of this semester (my FIRST semester in college), my safe, semi-stable world I spent the summer building quickly crumbled. My dad earned a promotion that required him to move to Bentonville, Arkansas, my roommate’s internship ended and she accepted a position in Columbia, Missouri, and my mom announced she was moving from my hometown to another small town even further away. While I was excited for all of their new beginnings, I couldn’t help but ask, ‘Where does this leave me?’ Alone in St. Louis, was the answer I found.

I called home for a solid week sobbing, but I soon realized I couldn’t spend every day miserable. I HAD to make a change. I started getting ready more, picked up extra shifts at work, and studied a little harder. Without my family close or a roommate around, I had more time to do things for myself. It soon became clear that I was NOT alone in St. Louis: this was a new beginning for me, too.

While I was really proud of myself for pushing through the loneliness, this weekend I relapsed. My dad’s family was in from Arkansas, I went to the Mizzou game with friends, and I spent Sunday with my mom. Being surrounded by all of my favorite people for three consecutive days made coming home to an empty apartment terrifying. All of those feelings from the beginning of the semester came rushing back.

The past few days have been rough, but I’m picking up the pieces to reach the content state I was in a few weeks ago. Right now I’m sad and lonely, but I know I’m going to come out just a little bit stronger than I was before.

Tagged as: Friends, Independence, Loneliness, Mizzou

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