This year has started off with a bang in my life. I found out that I have pre-cancerous cells growing and am need of surgery to ensure that they don’t turn cancerous. On Friday, I got a call from my doctor to let me know that my insurance company has denied my claim. They want me to undergo further biopsies and see if the cells have turned cancerous.
I have tried to be strong and courageous through this whole experience because I have many roles to uphold in my life. Some of the roles are wife, mom student, Christian, daughter, sister, and friend. After the call from the nurse though I crashed and burned. I could do nothing more than sob and pray silent within my head for God to make it stop and help me get in check. My kids were set to come home from school and I didn’t want them to find their mom this way.
That is when I thought about a secondary insurance policy we have. I asked about the possibility of using this for the surgery. The doctor’s office will be doing that this coming week. I am praying for this to be approved and for the strength and energy to write an appeal to the insurance company to see if I can’t get the surgery I need.
The best part of this whole scenario is two-fold. My kids did come home to find me in tears. My son who is 11 started to cry and hold onto me. My 17 year old daughter stood there and finally told her brother and I, “You both need to stop it! Stop it now! God is in control of it and He will take care of it! So, stop crying and have faith!” Since she was born I’ve said that God gave me her to show me the way and it was never truer than Friday.
On Sunday at church, our pastor gave a sermon about holding out for God’s time for His blessing. He knows what I’m facing and so the message seemed just fitting. He then gave an example of we as God’s people are like microwaves. We like to get things done quick and can with the technology that we have. But God is like a slow cooker. All things good or bad that come in our lives are in His time. That is where we struggle in life and can become depressed or complacent. I thought how perfect of an example for a gal that likes to cook who is in a battle for her health.
I so want to remind you all to not let any health concerns you may have go without attention. I went over a year before I went to the doctor in December. I want to encourage you that as you go through troubles and turmoil not to lose sight of your goals, dreams and God.
Not everyone likes to talk about religion, so I’ll try to keep this brief.
Now that I’m fasting for my faith (the 19 Day Fast of the Baha’i Faith), religion seems to be a reoccurring topic for me on a regular basis. Not to mention, Christianity and Catholicism are common topics what with Mardi Gras here and the season of Lent upon us.
It’s difficult to cut this down into one concise topic and not rant forever. I suppose I’d just like to say, God loves us. Right?
I encourage you to doubt anyone and everyone who claims God has preferences. Why would you ever bother believing in a God who would forsake anyone to eternal damnation? What all-loving, all-merciful God would condemn anyone?
Just mull that over for me. Please.
“O God! Thou art more friend to me than I am to myself. I dedicate myself to Thee, O Lord.”
So, I’m Baha’i.
The Baha’i faith is a major world religion with believers in more than 200 countries and territories. It was founded in Persia in Bahá’u’lláh in the mid 1800’s. This faith emphasizes the spiritual unity of all humankind, believing all religions worship the same God, men and women are equal, and science and religion agree and must both develop equally for the advancement of human wisdom. There’s a lot more to it than this, of course, but it is a beautiful, universal, welcoming faith, and I encourage you to learn more about it.
Anyway, the Baha’is have a period of fasting, similar to Ramadan in the Islamic faith. It’s 19 days, from March 2nd until March 21st (ending right before Spring Break!) During this period of fasting, Baha’is abstain from eating and drinking from sunrise to sunset. Not everyone has to fast, of course—pregnant or nursing women, elderly people and young children, people who are sick, people who are traveling, and those who engage in heavy labor are exempt—but it is seen as a wonderful opportunity. It’s been described as “an annual renewal of faith” and “an invigoration, an annual cleansing.” It is a time of prayer and meditation, where we focus ourselves on God instead of selfish and carnal desires.
I’m excited about this time, but I expect it will be difficult. It will mean careful planning to make sure I still have a healthy diet; it will mean a dedicated focus to get through tennis practices and classes on no food or water. I’m looking forward to this challenge, to this opportunity to demonstrate love and devotion to God. If I should fail, and find that I cannot keep up with my duties while fasting, I won’t feel regret. I’d rather try for God, knowing he loves and forgives all I do.