Lately I think my friends think that I’ve been ignoring them, which isn’t the case. I have just been trying to adjust to my new major and have a mind of my own. Since August 9th, we have spent almost every waking moment together. By any means this isn’t a bad thing, I was just starting to feel that my individual self was being overshadowed. While I was trying to break away from the group, they were still holding on. I am an introvert and we need our time to regroup and focus on our goals. Given that I am an Orientation Leader, I had to be “on” for a total of 3 weeks and by the middle of September I was worn out. Granted, I didn’t have to be “on” I just wanted to make sure the freshman were well acquainted on campus before I could be with the crowd.
During week 1, my friends and I were merry and full of cheer until I noticed that we were all attaining different personal goals. In result of this, I saw the need to separate myself from the group. According to the Knapp’s Relation Development Model, my friends were at the differentiating stage while I was still at bonding. As I was learning this in class, it triggered something in me. Had I come to point in my life where all of my friends had something going for themselves and I didn’t for myself? Was I not being supportive like I should have been? That moment sent me on the verge of a breakdown. My anxiety, of not having my life in order, went crazy. In the span of two days I had a total of 8 espresso shots and an outstanding amount of caffeine to calm my nerves. I hadn’t experienced anything like that in my life. I had to call my best friend Jeremy to make sure I wasn’t going insane, which I was. When I asked him he told me to get over it. So I tried to get past this feeling, but my attitude had changed in how I behaved around my friends.
Going into week 2, I tried to be supportive of my friends’ life goals but I couldn’t. By this point, caffeine wasn’t the answer instead I went shopping at Target. We all know that you shouldn’t walk into a Target when vulnerable. In result of that, I spent $100. Not only did I leave still feeling empty, but also broke. So now I’m thinking about how I am going to make it through the week with very little funds and how I can be a better friend. To buy myself some time, I started hanging out with other people. My friend thought I was leaving them behind, but really I wasn’t. Towards the end of the week I gave up being distant. I realized they needed me but I didn’t see that. For 2 weeks I’ve been walking around blind. Now headed into week 3, I am going to give my friends the personal attention they deserve. I’m Trying! It’s hard being a non-emotional person in group of emotional people.
Next time any one feels as if I’m ignoring you, I’M NOT!! I just need time to regroup and focus. Please forgive me?!
This weekend was full of events ranging from Alumni Weekend, Mini-Dance Marathon, and Fontbonne gaming events. To kick off my weekend, I just lounged around the AMC to conserve my energy for the mini-marathon later Friday evening. I love Dance Marathon (DM) to its entirety that I had to give it my all. When 5:30PM hit, I was up and running. DM is everything because you’re raising money for the Children’s Miracle Network while dancing for those who can’t. This will be my third year and I cannot let them down. This event was in the Griffin’s Nest and everyone danced the night away. To make the event even better, the Nest was blacked-out so everyone wore neon! Since we’re joining SLUDM, their morale committee came to show us some moves that will shut down any college campus. In addition to that, the WING Leaders performed the flash mob dance routine from the Over Welcome during Fall Orientation. The songs included hits like, “…Baby One More Time”, “Everybody”, and “Worth It.” Our flash mob is now certified and has to be displayed at any event. After the mini-marathon, some friends and I watched Scream 1 and 2.
Saturday I woke up exhausted but ready to cheer on our men’s tennis match against Concordia. Fellow WING Leaders Blake, Jacob and Stephen were blazing up the court with their combo moves. Along came Brooke, Joel, Erika, and Garret to help cheer on the team with Fontbonne Spirit. After the match, the five of us went to eat lunch in Ryan Hall and then to cheer the women’s volleyball game against Webster. The girls did a great job and if you didn’t notice they put Rachel in the game! Later that night, I went to the Grovefest with arah, Taylor and Eric because we haven’t spent any time together recently and it was cool. Afterwards, we went to Sarah’s apartment to watch Scream 3. If you aren’t following me on Twitter, please do! You’re missing out. Also in Scream 3, Beth disapproves of Gale Weathers’ (Courtney Cox) bangs. They were tragic.
Along came Sunday with the Alumni Reunion Mass. The 50th Year ladies looked great as they reunited with one another. Despite the frantic search for the priest, he arrived and Mass was celebrated as a community. Afterwards, I ate brunch with part of the Pressimone family, Leslie Doyle, and Terragan Brouk. The food, speakers, and atmosphere was wonderful. To put the icing on the cake was catching up with my Orientation Leader and role model Dustin Graves! He is truly the greatest and has shown that you can have it all (being a student leader inside and outside of the classroom) yet remain focus on your end goal.
This weekend has truly been the best so far! Until next time…See ya
Thinking back on things that I could not live without during my first few years of college, a few come to mind: planner, sticky notes, caffeine, on the go snacks for mornings you’re running late, etc. BUT there is one thing that stands out more than others…. Friends! Make friends! College is one of the most exciting times in your life and there’s nothing more fun than going through that experience with someone else. Want to participate in campus activities but a little too shy and unsure? Find another shy buddy and experience it together. Friends are also vital in college when things get rough. Wanting to bang your head against the wall a few times around midterms and finals? Trust me, there’s a million other students that are feeling the same way. Take a break with a buddy and get a quick bite to eat or take a walk and relax your mind for a little while. When I first graduated high school nine years ago I always heard that you will meet some of your best friends in college. I thought that was going to be impossible because I was leaving high school with my very best friends for years and years. Well, what I heard was right! I remember meeting absolute strangers for the fist time, who are now my best friends — like sisters! When you leave home to go to college, you’re alone for probably the first time in your life. All of the love and support you’ve always been surrounded by is a little further away now, so you’re going to need someone or something to fill that void. That’s exactly where friends come in! They become like family. Friends you make in college are some of the strongest friendships you will ever have. College years are full of fun, excitement, stress, and difficulties at some point or another. There’s nothing like having a buddy to experience all of that with.
So let me be completely honest. I kind of forgot about school at the end of the week last week because I decided to take on a pretty tough babysitting job, (3 boys, 3 nights, 4 days) which had me going crazy by night 2. So when it came to the weekend, of course I did not hold back. I let myself have some fun. I went out with great friends Saturday, had lunch at my new favorite restaurant with two of my very best friends Sunday, and I ended the weekend by going to Forest Park with some other best friends of mine to watch the Blood Moon Sunday night. Despite the two papers I have due tonight, that I have yet to start, I still say it was worth it.
I guess it doesn’t matter what stress I’m under or what needs to be done now, I still want to always have time for my friends. Because without them, yeah those papers might have been done three days ago, but my sanity would be gone, and I wouldn’t have such great memories.
“Let all that you do be done in love.”
-1 Corinthians 16:14