Tonight I salute the Ryan Hall Healthy vending machine. Without its chilled mozzarella cheese stick I doubt I would have been inspired to finish reading that 23 page print out about Shakespeare. It probably would have been pushed aside like many printouts before him: the Moliere reading due next week, that darned final paper research, that poetry piece I’ve been rewriting since last summer…
The “God of Prose” could have been saved! And I do not mean by Jesus. I could have dubbed him a project to complete tomorrow, or even may have given him higher honor, an honor worthy of a “there’s always next-week” level of procrastination. If it had not been for that 9 foot tall light up box full of individually wrapped preserves, that could have transpired, but miraculously, it didn’t.
I know, some of the people reading this may potentially be saying, “Gee, that’s an awful lot of excitement for a big, snack filled hunk of metal that plugs into a wall.” To which I may potentially retort, “Nay, on this November day, at sundown, whilst my eyes welled with bored tears, my eyelids grew heavy, and my stomach begged, I was struck by a great memory I had of earlier college days when I, as hungry as a hippo, passed by a strip of snack machines in Ryan Hall on the way to a College Algebra test. The lights around the rims of each machine was a spotlight on the bright colors of plastic that nestled inside them. Triangles would have gotten the best of me that day, had I not gotten a Cliff Bar to help me hang on to that cursed Pythagorean Theorem. That metal box can sustain a college student’s life you didn’t even know existed!”
So, as I was overwhelmed with this joyous memory, I scooped golden dollars from the bottom of my purse, and embarked on a journey from the quiet books of the library, to the whirring vending machine filled Halls of Ryan.
Clink! Clink! Two coins entered the machine. Beep! Beep! Two buttons indicated a cheesy selection. Boom! Boom! The cheese hit the bottom of the machine, and my blissful fist hit the glass, unable to inwardly contain my excitement for the righteous, healthy choice I had just made. However, my mission was not yet complete. Once the cheese hit the floor of the machine, I still had to unwrap the beast, consume it, and get back to work. And that I did indeed, in close to 3 minutes. As for the Shakespeare, I got his chedder, too, using bright yellow lines, though that did take a little longer than 3 minutes. Thank you Healthy vending machine, thank you for helping me survive Shakespeare tonight.