Hello, dear readers! You may have realized that I’ve been on a blogging hiatus for almost two weeks. That’s because I was on vacation with my family in Orlando, Florida. While there, we went to three Disney World theme parks (Magic Kingdom, Hollywood Studios, and – my favorite! – EPCOT), and we also went to both of the Universal Orlando parks. It was a great time despite a bit of rain from their first tropical storm of the season. Let’s just say that “Sunny Florida” isn’t always sunny. But all in all, we had a great trip. We experienced a lot of great theme park shows like “Beetle Juice’s Graveyard Review” at Universal and “Beauty and the Beast Live Onstage” at Hollywood Studios. Plus, we rode a lot of really fun rides and saw a lot of great attractions. We even tried two new (as in “new to us”) attractions for the first time – “Toy Story Mania” at Hollywood Studios and “Twister – Ride It Out!” at Universal Studios. Both attractions were really fun and innovative. “Twister” was so realistic that I felt like I was back at home in good ol’ Tornado Alley!

About halfway through our vacation, I randomly recalled that poster that hangs in the Kinkel Center. It says, “Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.” Maybe it was the Disney Magic, or maybe it was my once-upon-a-time-an-author-to-be mind racing yet again, but I came up with my own version of this poster. It’s called “Everything I Need to Know I Learned from Disney.” Enjoy, and be enlightened.

1. “What do you do when life gets you down? Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…”

2. “There’s a great, big, beautiful tomorrow shining at the end of every day…”

3. “It’s a small world after all…”

4. (Based on one of my all-time favorite EPCOT attractions, “Ellen’s Energy Adventure” starring Ellen Degeneres and Bill Nye the Science Guy): Brain power “is the one source of power that will never run out.”

5. “It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.”

Vacation was a blast, and I got to spend a lot of time with my family. However, I’m excited to return to the lab, and I need to start preparing for the GRE. While looking forward, I’ll definitely look back on this and other great vacations I’ve had thus far in life.

And now, enjoy some of my favorite vacation pics. (Sorry – I just can’t resist!)

At my favorite park, EPCOT, with my mom.

Once a tiger, always a tiger. If you don’t understand this little inside joke of mine, read my previous blog, “What’s YOUR Animal?!“

Waiting for my favorite theme park show to start….

Grad school, here I come!!

As of tomorrow, I will have been on summer break for exactly one month. Which is kind of terrifying, considering the fact that I’ve really done nothing but think. And worry. And repeat. And repeat, and repeat. And as I was engaging in this fun little pastime of mine the other day during one of my first days back outside lifeguarding (it wasn’t even warm enough to be swimming, but whatever.), I had a really incredible breakthrough: all of my worrying has gotten me pretty much nowhere. In fact, if anything, I think it’s gotten me closer to death by a heart attack, or possibly obesity since stress does in fact cause you (read: me) to eat more (especially things like vegan cookies, or veggie pizza, for example. Not like I did this.). Indeed, I have solved absolutely nothing by worrying or writing really complicated blog posts about it. I figured that the more I worried and thought about it, I would surely come out the other end with my life totally planned out, and everything would be perfect: I’d have my grad school chosen, I’d know where I was going to live, where I would work, what my clothes would look like, the name of my future pet Goldendoodle when Shadow passes away (thinking about naming it after him, if said dog is a male), and I would know exactly what kind of girl I would be. That was my logic behind my non-stop worrying, anyway: that it would help me figure out the answers to all the unknowns of my future. I mean, there are a lot of things I’m scared of happening: I won’t stay true to myself, I won’t have the courage to go after my dreams, my Goldendoodle and I will live with my parents (okay, I’m not seriously afraid of this happening. But you get my point.). Non-stop worrying is my way of “preventing” or at least, my attempt at preventing, my worst nightmares from unfolding in my future life.

My mom told me that I could have things all planned out, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s how my life will end up playing out. Indeed, rather than being so anxious about the “what if’s” that probably will never happen, maybe it’s time I start embracing the fact that I have no idea what’s going to happen down to the very last detail. And that that’s okay: “When nothing is sure, everything is possible.” Everything! But sitting around, wasting my summer and energy on worrying and trying to figure out the future isn’t going to make that “everything”, those possibilities, into a life I love. If anything, worrying is just going to make things worse and more confusing and make me a miserable mess. And I’ll end up dying an early death on top of it all, from that heart attack mentioned earlier.

So. If you’re feeling pressure to have it all figured out, or you’re scared about what’s ahead of you, don’t be! No need to over think the future (like me)—just trust yourself. Follow your heart, your head, and, at times, your digestive system (I’ve found it’s a pretty good indicator when something isn’t right). Don’t worry about others. Know that the future will turn out to be probably way more amazing and different than those plans you stressed so much about making. Breathe. It’ll all be okay.

Now. I’m done. I promise. No more stressed out, obnoxiously long blog posts on this topic. You’re sick of it, I’m sick of it. And anyway, my skin is turning gold again! The sun is shining! New music is coming out! There are cookies to be made and eaten (but not because of stress)! There are runs to run! Let’s move on, shall we?

I’m ready.

-Carly

“I Need Fun in My Life” by The Drums

One week of study abroad classes down, four more weeks to go! Although, it’s not like I’m counting down the days I have left in London. I don’t want to rush this amazing experience. The course that I’m taking is called “Styling Fashion.” This is not a class offered in the fashion merchandising program at Fontbonne, which is one of the reasons I decided to take it at Regents School of Fashion and Design. I was nervous that the teacher was going to be really intense, but she is absolutely amazing. She is very cut-throat, but extremely knowledgeable, fun, and fabulous. There are 13 students in the class, which is nice. Coming from Fontbonne, I am used to having a small, intimate setting like this.

I was assigned to complete six photo shoots by the end of the term. Each one will have a theme that the student can be creative with in terms of styling, directing, photographing, etc. The shoots can take place in the campus studio or anywhere else out in the city if one decides to do so. Just in the first two class periods, we have traveled to the Victoria and Albert Museum and the Wallace Collection for inspiration (both of which contained stunning exhibits). The first shoot is called “Paper Whiteout,” in which I must construct a garment using only white paper. The second one is called “Deconstruct/Reconstruct.” For this one I will cut up a couple t-shirts and turn them into something completely new. After that I will do photo shoot called “Mood Food” and use any kind of food to make a garment, accessory, or whatever else my heart desires. Additional projects include “Weekend City Shoot,” Tribes,” and “The Rest is History.” The last one entails picking a famous icon, then emulating that icon in a modern way. I am extremely excited to be working on these assignments. I love hands-on projects, so this is definitely right up my alley. But this does not necessarily mean it is easy for me. I am still being challenged to use limited resources with a limited budget. One thing that’s not limited is creativity. Nobody can restrict that.

While I am not as busy during the summer as I am during the school year, I still find myself not having much free time. Between babysitting, my little brother’s baseball games, and other odd jobs I do, I’m never really that bored. Since I got back from my summer vacation, I feel as though I’m constantly on-the-go. Added to my to-do list these past few weeks is dancing, not for Fontbonne, but for my studio. I am an “alumni” since graduating a couple of years ago, and this year is the studio’s 20th recital. For a kind of celebration, an alumni dance was put together. We’ve all been practicing weekly for quite some time, and are rehearsing every day this week. Let’s just say I’m exhausted and am anxiously waiting for the recital this weekend!

I did find time today to put a new “cupcakes and muffins” recipe book to use. I love to bake, especially cupcakes and cookies. A few weeks ago while shopping for travel books with my roommate, we happened along the clearance section and I found a cookbook with over 100 recipes for cupcakes and muffins. I just had to buy it, and have spent the last week  or so tabbing the recipes I wanted to try out first. I had some kiwi that was about to go bad, and a delicious sounding recipe for whole wheat kiwi muffins. Twenty-five minutes of some “me time” later and the house was smelling of scrumptious muffins.  Only half of the household actually likes kiwi, and the sound of “whole wheat” has them running, but that just means there’s more muffins for me! Maybe next time I’ll bake some double chocolate cupcakes that they’ll devour. We’ll see.

Thanks for reading..

It’s still hitting me that this is my life right now. A few days ago I arrived in London to study abroad this summer. It’s hard to believe that this dream is now a reality. I have already seen and done so many amazing things, and this is only the beginning! My class starts tomorrow, so that will be when the studying experience begins. So far it has just felt like a vacation. During my first weekend in London, I explored numerous neighborhoods and markets, dined at pubs (as the British call most restaurants), visited the Fashion and Textile Museum, and went on a walking monument tour. One of the main attractions that I saw on the tour was the Tower Bridge of London. As I witnessed the iconic and beautiful architecture of the bridges, castles, and stores, it was hitting me more and more that this setting is going to be my lifestyle for the next few weeks. I feel so lucky to be here experiencing this opportunity.

Speaking of lucky, I also feel grateful for the wonderful people I’ve met and become friends with so quickly. There are about 30 other Regents School of Fashion and Design students that live in the same building as me, and I’ve gotten a chance to speak to most of them. It’s also nice that I have my own room with a bathroom, shower, desk, closet, bedding, etc. There is a communal area and a kitchen at the end of each hallway. This is a neat setup, but it feels weird yet cool to be doing all my own grocery shopping in markets in cute brick buildings with red double-decker buses driving by. I feel like a grown up that lives in London. Oh wait, I AM a grown up that lives in London! (At least I am for now, anyway.)

So maybe you’ve heard that I’m a dietetics major. And perhaps you’ve heard whispers that I’m a vegan health nut as well. Both true, and to top it off, I love to be in the kitchen making all kinds of crazy stuff.

And since I’ve been home for the summer (read: I have a kitchen and free time) I’ve been trying all kinds of recipes. Mostly from Pinterest. Okay, 100% from Pinterest. But I always add my own spin on things!

Here’s some pictures of what I’ve been whipping up lately:

Dehydrated Cauliflower Crisps – you may think that using a dehydrator is something only crazy hippies do. Well, although I take no offense to being called a crazy hippie, dehydrating is definitely hitting the mainstream. I chopped up some cauliflower and added some nutritional yeast (a type of yeast that is fortified with vitamins needed in a vegan diet, like B12… it sort of tastes cheesy somehow. You’ll find it in a lot of recipes that are going for a “cheeezy” taste without using a bunch of processed cheese substitutes) and they turned out lovely!

Carrot Cake Bites – these involved the food processor, a sort of blender-like device that grinds up and combines food. It’s good for making dough and pesto as well. Anyway! Carrots, dates, coconut, and some spices got whirred up and then molded into balls. They weren’t overly sweet, but they had a nice carrot cake vibe to them. Good and good for ya!

Raw Cucumber/Mango Sushi – another food processor item. Instead of using rice in my rolls, I tossed parsnips, cashews, vinegar, and soy sauce in the ol’ processor and diced it until it was the consistency of rice. Turned out to be a pretty good substitute! Then I just rolled it up in nori paper with some slices of mango and cucumber.

Dehydrated Zucchini Chips – these are being dehydrated as I type this! Just zucchini sliced thin and layed out on the rack. Hope they turn out well! I’ll probably make some sort of dip for them as well. Hmmmm….

I’ve really been enjoying trying out some “high raw” food recipes and busting out the dehydrator this summer (although I do eat cooked veggies/grains/beans and bread, too!). It’s a great chance to try some fun and flavorful recipes that are a bit off the beaten path. So, if you have a dehydrator or food processor or juicer or any other contraption in your kitchen that’s just collecting dust, I encourage you to find some recipes and make use of it! (Hint: Pinterest. Pinterest for everything.)

I love traveling, and this summer I got a chance to go to one of my favorite places, Mexico! I went with my family, and this trip was kind of the final hurrah because we are all getting older and growing up. I got to spend 7 days in paradise, which was a great stress reliever. I had quite a bit of stress over the last school year, so it was nice to just lay back and absorb some sunlight! Not to mention use some of the Spanish I learned in high school!

We did a few things other than relax on the beach in Mexico. One excursion was an adventure park, where I ziplined, sky-walked, and swam in a cenote. I am terribly afraid of heights, so the ziplining and sky-walking were major feats for me. I was kind of surprised of how I handled it. Beforehand I was pretty sure I was going to be near death, but in the end I’m so glad I did it. I was zipping across the tops of the treetops in the Yucatan jungle!

It rained for one entire day on our trip, and my family spent most of the day playing cards. It was great to spend some “family time” together. Other than the occasional rain shower on some days, the sun was shining. The only thing I wanted to do was get some sort of a tan, and I accomplished that! My summer job, nannying, has begun and I’ll be increasing that tan over the summer at the pool with the kids. I’m looking forward to the rest of my summer!

Thanks for reading..

There is something in the air. A new found aura. I haven’t figured out what’s different, but something is hanging around. And I like it.

The first weekend of my summer break has passed, and it was a blast. I can’t recognize the girl who danced and smiled and laughed with her friends all weekend, but I’m looking forward to knowing her better. I liked that girl. She was fun. She was relaxed. She was happy.

She was unlike the me I’ve always known, but that’s okay.

The season is changing and so am I.

I remember my very first day at Fontbonne. Well, okay, I remember the day I moved into the Joe. I remember the night before I moved in pretty clearly, too, along with the two days or so leading up to it. I remember being in high school and being so ready to move on. Gosh, I HATED high school. I loathed the place. My best friend did as well, and we were both ready to get far, far away from it. She, being a Mormon, moved out West to go to Brigham Young in Idaho (Yes, there is a version in Utah as well). Frequently she’ll send me gorgeous photos via text of some beautiful location she’s visiting for fun. Because according to her, frequent outdoor adventures are the norm for kids out there our age. Anyhow, I was done with high school. And all during that summer before my freshman year, I was super excited to go off to college and start a new chapter. But that all changed a day or two before I was actually supposed to leave. All of a sudden, I felt scared. I didn’t want to go. What if my mom was sad with me gone? Sure, my brother was over at SLU (Heck, he was getting ready to leave the country with his girlfriend for a semester.). But still, the thought of somebody being sad always puts a knot in my stomach. I wouldn’t have it.

The day I was to move in, my overprotective dad (who still doesn’t want me running in Forest Park. Oh well.) gave me a talk about all sorts of things that the little naïve version of myself didn’t want to hear. If I wasn’t scared or turned off to the idea of going, I really was after that conversation. I guess after that I just kind of closed down, before I had even stepped foot onto campus, and I never really opened up my mind to embrace my situation.

I still go home every weekend. I used to tell myself that in doing so, I was taking the easy way out. And to some extent, yeah, I guess you could say that. It meant I didn’t have to deal with trying to entertain myself or meet new people or what have you. But on the other hand, home was, and is, well, home. Read: I feel most myself here. And maybe that’s why now I still pack up half of my dorm every weekend to head south, and why I don’t think it’s something I should be apologizing for or beating myself up over or a logical reason to tell myself I’m a big baby who will never make it to Washington or Colorado or Alaska (okay not really here, but I bet it’s beautiful). Because that’s just not true, and it’s totally not fair to myself.

There are things about St. Louis I love, yes. But at the same time, something about it just doesn’t click with me. Kind of like the dietetics program. Something didn’t click with me when I was in my old major, so I left. I remember over spring break, I was feeling pretty babyish. And I probably sounded like it too, when I whined that I was too old to be at home and that April would be the month that I wouldn’t leave school at all. Yes, I declared, I would stay in the city every weekend. For the most part, I did, as my time at home was limited to maybe an evening or a random day each weekend.

At the time, I felt so desperately that I had something to prove, but in the end, what do I have to show for it? I remember that on those weekends I had to venture down to use the laundry room in Medaille on the evenings (this was a first). One night as I was down there by myself, folding up my new yellow long sleeve running shirt (don’t ask me how I remember that that was what I was folding. I just do.), I caught myself feeling…empty. Fake. I hadn’t proved anything to anybody. If anything, I was even more unsatisfied than before. I may not have felt it quite as clearly as I do now whenever I look back on those sad, confusing weekends, but there’s no denying that something felt off to me at the time. There I was, thinking I was being the Best Version of Myself by forcing myself into doing something that just wasn’t me, because I had somehow convinced myself that the BVM (Best Version of Me…let’s abbreviate it from here on out for the sake of simplicity.) was some fake big-shot who was too good and too big for home, and that being a college student meant I had to take on that role and grow up at some point.

For somebody with an A- in organic chemistry to show for both semesters (I don’t like to brag, and I’m not full of myself by any means. But I’m still healthily proud about this.), I sure can be a big dummy sometimes. I mean, does that make any sense, my reasoning for staying at school? No! How is being somebody other than myself, all for the sake of trying to measure up to the other kids around the country who have no problem with staying at school for months on end because I’m insecure with what makes me happy (and, ultimately, me), equivalent to being the BVM? It’s not! It so, so is not. And every now and then, when I feel myself feeling weirdly insecure or insignificant next to the fresh-out-of-high-school kids I’ll be lifeguarding with this year (when the Water Park actually opens because it’s not raining or too cold so I can make some money already), I catch myself having that urge bubbling up inside of me to prove myself yet again. I find myself thinking, “Yeah, well, I’m a fancy Clayton resident, so there, you Mizzou-bound tigers.” And I do it all out of insecurity. Isn’t that just stupid, that I have to take on a role, put on an act that makes me feel empty and totally unlike myself all because I feel like I don’t measure up? I think it is. I think it’s sad and pathetic of me and I know it’s the reason for the knot in my stomach I’ve experienced since April. That knot is there, telling myself, “Carly, you’re bigger than this. And I won’t let you eat until you see that already.”

I remember last spring feeling a similar urge to prove myself. So I joined a club I didn’t care about, really, because I felt I wasn’t involved or much of a force to be reckoned with on campus (despite my A-‘s in organic. Okay I’ll shut up about it now.). So all year this school year, I dragged myself to meetings for that said club, contributing little, if anything, to the organization. And I did it out of insecurity, once again.

As I reflect on these mistakes and the reasons why I made them, I’m beginning to see a bit of a pattern. The BVM isn’t somebody totally different than who I am. No, I don’t need to change and stay at school if I don’t want to or join a club I could care less about, all because I feel, for some bizarre reason, insignificant. No, the BVM is quite the opposite: the BVM is the same person, but with a different perspective instead. She does things because she wants to do them because they make her feel full and alive and happy, not because she “should” or because everyone else is doing them. But more importantly, she’s happy with herself and she finally sees herself for what she really is: an excellent student (A-! Organic chem.!) with a plethora of interests and passions and ambitions who has so much she wants to do and see. Babyish loser? I don’t think so! And I can’t believe I would ever use such harsh words to describe myself.

Maybe your self-esteem is through the roof. Even so, there’s still something to learn from all of this: do what YOU want to do in college. Listen to yourself, and be okay with what yourself has to say to you (say what?), as I’m working on this summer. And most importantly, remember this quote (I’m not letting you go without one):

“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.” -Maya Angelou

-Carly

“High and Dry” by Radiohead

The first time I read F. Scott Fitzgerald’s “The Great Gatsby,” I hated it. Now you should know that I rarely use the word “hate” because it’s such a strong word. However, I really, really disliked the book. I guess I wasn’t prepared for a book exposing all of the 1920s immorality. However, as this book was on my required summer reading list, and since I’d have to take a test on it for my high school college credit English course in the coming fall semester, I read it for a second time. And the second time I read it was the time I fell in love with “Gatsby.” Everything just came alive to me. The lavishness of Gatsby’s parties, the Jazz Age music and dance, the heat of the air conditioning-less summer in New York, the intensity among Nick, Jordan, Gatsby, and Tom as they sat in a parlor in the city, the ever-omniscient eyes of Dr. TJ Eckleburg – I immediately understood why this book is considered an American classic. Now, my copy of “Gatsby” sits in a prominent place on my bookshelf among my other favorite books such as “Jane Eyre” and “Como Agua Para Chocolate,” aka “Like Water for Chocolate.” (But, in case you’re wondering, I have the Spanish version of that book because it’s a Mexican folklore/romantic tale and because I was super into learning Spanish when I first read it.)

About a year ago, I heard that this book was going to be made into a movie starring Leonardo DiCaprio as Gatsby. I impatiently waited to see it. And last night, I saw the movie for the second time. I went with my friend, and we had an absolute blast. Everyone in the theater with us was very into the movie, and, at various points throughout the movie, you could hear the entire audience gasp, sniffle, cry, and laugh.

If you haven’t yet seen the movie, I definitely recommend it. And if you’ve never read the book, I recommend that you read it at least twice. It’s totally worth it.

“So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into
the past.”