Considering the fact that I’ve spent so much time this summer stressing about the future, I find it odd that suddenly my worries have evaporated, leaving behind nothing but this odd mix of new feelings, ones like peacefulness and acceptance and hope and excitement, the same ones I used to have when I thought about all of the potential that fills the road ahead of me (Pretty sure that’s a massive run-on sentence. Sorry.). Where will I go? Who will I become? Finally, there are no limits anymore.
I’ve also spent a lot of time stressing over other peoples’ journeys, asking if, because the path I’m taking is different than theirs, I’m somehow behind in life or just don’t measure up. But again, this stupid anxiety is being replaced by a new, more positive affirmation: that I should embrace the weird twists and turns that make up my story, because they’re kind of really awesome.
But enough of the future—I want to enjoy the here and the now. On my run the other morning, as I was descending one of the Monster Hills in my neighborhood and I looked out on the horizon to see the blue morning sky kissing the open fields of hay bales below, then back down ahead of me to see the wildflowers in the field to my right, I remembered how happy I am to be here, at home. To be running a lot and finally getting chafe marks and blisters again. To be up and finished with my workout before anyone else in my family is awake.
So on that note, here it is: home.
“Babys” by Bon Iver