As of tomorrow, I will have been on summer break for exactly one month. Which is kind of terrifying, considering the fact that I’ve really done nothing but think. And worry. And repeat. And repeat, and repeat. And as I was engaging in this fun little pastime of mine the other day during one of my first days back outside lifeguarding (it wasn’t even warm enough to be swimming, but whatever.), I had a really incredible breakthrough: all of my worrying has gotten me pretty much nowhere. In fact, if anything, I think it’s gotten me closer to death by a heart attack, or possibly obesity since stress does in fact cause you (read: me) to eat more (especially things like vegan cookies, or veggie pizza, for example. Not like I did this.). Indeed, I have solved absolutely nothing by worrying or writing really complicated blog posts about it. I figured that the more I worried and thought about it, I would surely come out the other end with my life totally planned out, and everything would be perfect: I’d have my grad school chosen, I’d know where I was going to live, where I would work, what my clothes would look like, the name of my future pet Goldendoodle when Shadow passes away (thinking about naming it after him, if said dog is a male), and I would know exactly what kind of girl I would be. That was my logic behind my non-stop worrying, anyway: that it would help me figure out the answers to all the unknowns of my future. I mean, there are a lot of things I’m scared of happening: I won’t stay true to myself, I won’t have the courage to go after my dreams, my Goldendoodle and I will live with my parents (okay, I’m not seriously afraid of this happening. But you get my point.). Non-stop worrying is my way of “preventing” or at least, my attempt at preventing, my worst nightmares from unfolding in my future life.
My mom told me that I could have things all planned out, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s how my life will end up playing out. Indeed, rather than being so anxious about the “what if’s” that probably will never happen, maybe it’s time I start embracing the fact that I have no idea what’s going to happen down to the very last detail. And that that’s okay: “When nothing is sure, everything is possible.” Everything! But sitting around, wasting my summer and energy on worrying and trying to figure out the future isn’t going to make that “everything”, those possibilities, into a life I love. If anything, worrying is just going to make things worse and more confusing and make me a miserable mess. And I’ll end up dying an early death on top of it all, from that heart attack mentioned earlier.
So. If you’re feeling pressure to have it all figured out, or you’re scared about what’s ahead of you, don’t be! No need to over think the future (like me)—just trust yourself. Follow your heart, your head, and, at times, your digestive system (I’ve found it’s a pretty good indicator when something isn’t right). Don’t worry about others. Know that the future will turn out to be probably way more amazing and different than those plans you stressed so much about making. Breathe. It’ll all be okay.
Now. I’m done. I promise. No more stressed out, obnoxiously long blog posts on this topic. You’re sick of it, I’m sick of it. And anyway, my skin is turning gold again! The sun is shining! New music is coming out! There are cookies to be made and eaten (but not because of stress)! There are runs to run! Let’s move on, shall we?
“I Need Fun in My Life” by The Drums