Alumni Posts

Graduating with Sadness and Butterflies

by Alumni Posts on November 30, 2012

in College Life

As you may know, or may not know, this is my last semester as a college student. I have been looking forward to graduating a semester early from the beginning, but now that it is here, I want to rewind/take-it-back/say re-do. I want another semester to explore, another semester after that to have fun and another one after that… just because. I have learned so much about myself as a person, as a friend, as a girlfriend, as an ex, as a daughter, and as a student just in the last 3 months. It is crazzyy. I feel like I am just beginning, not ending this chapter in my life. . . Everything seems so backwards and I am not a fan.

I find myself quite unsure of things that were so concrete  in my life. How did those tangible ideas literally crumble? Don’t ask me, I would love to know the answer if you can find it.

I thought I wanted to go back home and enjoy life in Kentucky, with friends in Kentucky, but I am just so unsure. I want to stay another semester with the friends I love and the people I adore. I made the decision to graduate early in hopes of pushing fast-forward on life. I was over school, over the distance, over this Fontbonne life. I don’t think I could have been more wrong. One thing I have learned; nothing is certain, no matter how adamant you are or how permanent something feels. I love this Fontbonne life, I love this city.

So, what to do? Think. Think about myself. Be selfish. This is MY life after all, I am in control here. Not my prospective job, not my vision of my “perfect life,” not the “what if’s.” I will not restrict myself. I owe that to myself, and to be honest, that is exciting for me.

Ok, enough with the negative. I am excited to experience an actual “big girl job.” I hope I get that opportunity sooner rather than later, but I am not too concerned. Taking it one day at a time.

I have learned to:

Replace yes with no

Work hard and enjoy the results

Let people help me

Think of myself

Take a rest day, or 20…

Stay up late, and I mean late. It is always an adventure even if you stay in your room

Appreciate friends and to tell them they are loved

Make my own wooden frames :)

Balance fun with work

Be assertive

Be a free spirit

&

To trust yet always be unconvinced

__________

Side Note:

Usually when I arrive to St.Louis and I see the arch, I cry. I get sad, I get angry. The arch is a sign that I am leaving family, friends, a love, for an extended amount of time. This last time, driving back from thanksgiving break, I saw the arch and I smiled. I got butterflies, I was excited I was happy. I am ready to be present in my st. louis life, with no regrets. A great feeling to have. Even if I only have a week left.

Thanks for reading!

:) Kelia

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Students writing for Real Life at Fontbonne are paid a small fee for each post by the university.